Long Distance Marriages

According to LongDistanceRelationships.com, approximately 7 million couples in the United States consider themselves long distance . These include 2.5 to 3 million long distance marriages. When distance is a part of your marriage, direct, open and timely communication becomes even more vital. Being honest about fears and expectations will help maintain trust. This is needed for a commitment to be felt and accepted by both parties in the relationship. The relationship must feel like a priority to each of you even though you are apart. Talking on the phone or online regularly as well as thinking of and talking about your spouse frequently, are necessary to maintain a feeling of connection

Committing when kids are involved

Couples that would normally be together happily ever after can find serious hurdles to their relationship when children are involved. One partner might think the other is too lenient or strict with the children, or not approve of the child rearing methods used. Studies show that most childless couples get along far better than when children are introduced into the situation.

Realize that the children are a large factor in your relationship, and that they affect how you relate to your partner. Sit down and talk about the way you both feel about this, and see if there are compromises you can make. Perhaps just understanding how you feel might make the situation less stressful

Long Distance Relationship Advice

Some long distance couples find this to be the best of both worlds. You can live your life without constant attention to the needs of a partner. Yet, you have a person with whom you connect periodically to get a regular dose of romance and fun.

After a while, this can be a double-edged sword, however.

Many couples in long distance relationships find it so much fun and, in a way, so low-impact on their day-to-day lives, that after a while they become convinced that this relationship is obviously “the one.” And sometimes it is. But it’s hard to judge that from a distance.

Perhaps no long distance relationship advice is more important than to be careful. Do not overestimate a long distance relationship’s potential to translate into a regular relationship where you live in the same town, same home, and are headed towards long-term commitment.

The long distance relationship is an easy place to be on best behavior. Anyone can be accommodating, flexible, and attentive for a long weekend. This says little, in most cases, about how accommodating, flexible and attentive each party will be if you see each other every day, much less live in the same home.

In a nutshell, always remember: a long distance romance is NOT real life. It can be a wonderful little bubble that floats through real life. Party on in that bubble. Live it up.

Real life happens when you step outside that bubble to incorporate both your habits, idiosyncrasies, faults, families, jobs. Life becomes very different from what it was inside that bubble. Make changes to your life with caution.

Dating After Divorce: Take Time

When dating after divorce, it’s easy to see your first relationship through rose-colored glasses. This is understandable and normal.

Most of us emerge from any breakup, to say nothing of a divorce, with a lot of pain and heartache. Perhaps we feel like a failure or feel rejected or abandoned. This is especially true if we weren’t the ones who wanted the divorce, but even if the divorce was on our initiative, the process is painful.

The first new relationship after all those painful feelings, therefore, can feel like a gift from heaven, salvation from rejection, loneliness, and failure. And it may be all of these things. But it can also be a rebound relationship, one that pulls you out of those depths and results in your seeing the new relationship through a distorted lens. You might ignore or dismiss obvious areas of incompatibility. Worse yet, you might gloss over potentially dangerous issues like abusive or controlling behaviors, substance abuse, or other risk-taking behaviors.

Some of these risks are reduced by giving yourself a sufficient break between your divorce and dating after the divorce is final. That first relationship after your divorce may be exciting, fun, and full of new experiences. Enjoy it, love, live, and learn. But be careful.

Relationship Advice and The Rebound

There's a familiar relationship pattern among people who move quickly into a new romance after the old one dies (or, sometimes, while it's still limping along). Sad and brokenhearted, such a person finds a kindly soul who's willing to offer a comforting shoulder, or bed. The kindly soul offers support and relationship advice, believing that this will lead to healing, renewal, and love. And lo and behold, it does -- but not with the kindly soul. Often, the person who once seemed a source of comfort now becomes just a reminder of old pain. A happy new life begins -- with a happy new partner, someone who wasn't around for any of the bad old stuff. If you're fresh from a breakup, you can recognize this pattern for what it is, and choose to get your comfort from people who don't want long-term love. If you're tempted to play the role of the kindly soul, take two steps back and give the rebounder time and space to heal before expressing your interest

Number One First Date Tip: Safety

The beginning stage of a relationship can be stressful. However, don’t let your anxiety about what to wear or say make you forget to plan for safety. When you are meeting someone for the first time, this needs to be a consideration. Even if you feel like you know this person because of Internet dating time together, taking some simple precautions is a good idea. Things such as driving separately, letting a friend know where you will be, and containing your first date activities to a public place are easy strategies you can employ.

Internet dating safety can be maintained with some simple planning. Once you’ve chatted online and spoken for quite some time on the phone, meeting in person is the next step. If you’ve determined you are ready to move to this level, exercise this first date advice:

· Drive separately to a public meeting place.

· Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be home. Follow-up by checking in with your friend at a predetermined time and/or when you return home.

· Never leave the public place, go home with the person or invite your date to your home.

· Immediately end the date if you feel pressured in any way.

· Do not get drunk or tipsy. Drinking impairs judgment leading to choices you may not normally make.

Break Up Advice

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people’s feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties.

Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.


Don’t be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone’s misery.

Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don’t fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.

Don’t lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later - usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true causes unnecessary pain.

Don’t blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you’ve fabricated.

Don’t delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

Relationship Advice - Conquering Boredom

Has your relationship fallen into a rut? What do you do to revive the relationship before it stagnates and falls apart?

You've been together for several years now. Sex has become routine and your relationship is in a rut. Those early days of euphoria that you felt when he/she looked your way are long gone. What do you do to revive the relationship before it stagnates and falls apart?

The Symptoms - Every relationship faces it. Boredom. Everyday is pretty much the same. You and your partner take each other for granted. Sex has become routine. You no longer catch yourself having warm fuzzy feelings about your partner and dreaming up ways to make them happy. Instead your priorities have shifted to work, the kids, money, or what you'll get mom for Christmas. When and where it started, you're not sure. One day you wake up and it occurs to you that your sex life is boring. You may even blame your partner. The cute coworker may have caught your eye and now your wondering why your partner can't give you that kind of attention. Ok, you recognize the symptoms but how do you fix it?

The Cure - The thing that separates your relationship with your partner from every other relationship is sex. It therefore stands to reason that the way to revive your relationship is through sex. Consider it as playtime between you and your partner. Not only should it be satisfying, it should also be fun. Here are the steps that will help bring some fun back into your sex life.

Make it a priority. First of all you need to make time for intimacy. The three main obstacles to intimacy are time, energy, and privacy. By making sex a priority, it is easier to find opportunities when both of you have the time and energy. Privacy can always be arranged.

Feel Sexy. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel sexy. Sex is more satisfying for both of you if you are not self-conscious. Work out or dress up. Women are often more self-conscious than men. Ladies your body does not have to be perfect. If your partner loves you and you feel sexy, he will see you as sexy. Lingerie may be a way of making yourself feel attractive.

Communicate. Let your partner know that you want to break the routine. Never be accusing or negative when telling your partner that you want to change things or you will probably get a negative reaction. You may find out that your partner feels like you do and wants to get out of the rut you've fallen into.

Do something different Break the routine. Remember, it's all about fun so be creative. You might plan a day where you try to tempt each other to see who will give in first. Perhaps you could read a book and learn a new technique. You might try a romantic atmosphere with candles and music or a roaring fire. You could be adventurous and try role playing. For example, dress up and pretend you are strangers. Another idea is for each of you to write down a fantasy during the week and on Saturday you do his and on Sunday, hers. If you are uncomfortable coming up with ideas on your own, you might try a sex game and let the game lead you. Once your sex life is back on track, you will find that you feel closer to your partner.


Why bother - Never reach the point where you are not touching each other. Touch, whether erotic or not, is crucial to keeping your relationship on track. Again, this is not a relationship that you want to be like others in your life. One or both of you will end up cheating. Cheating often stems from boredom with the relationship. Do not give into this urge as you will be giving up more than you are gaining. If you get caught and break up, you will have all the time in the world to fool around with whoever, whenever you want. In the end you will still feel empty. What you are looking for cannot be found with a stranger. Working on your relationship, nourishing it with your attention and love, will give a much more fulfilling result. We are all looking for that special someone to fill that emptiness inside us. Who will love us through the good and bad, give our life meaning, our rock when we feel weak and our pillow when we fall. Starting over with someone new every few years makes this very difficult to accomplish.

In conclusion, think back to when you met your partner. Think about your time together and the good things you have shared. Is anything else in your life worth more effort than building on that love? It's like a precious flower. Feed it, water it, nurture it and it will grow. Tend to it only when it crosses your mind and it will wither and die. Communicate, appreciate, and have fun. These are the key ingredients to adding zest to a relationship rut.

Relationship Tip: Women Love Us But

"How can she possibly go out with that guy?" Keep your ears open long enough and you will hear that question or at least a variation of it a number of times in your life.

Some women ask this question not because they want an answer but more so out of plain jealousy. They want what another woman already has. That is all part of the game. Still others really are curious as to why she would even pick this particular guy to build a relationship.

No one can fully understand romance or human compatibility. It is what it is but that does not mean women love everything about us. In fact the majority could really do well without the following:

1. Selfishness

It's all about you. When the circumstances directly affect her, you find away to become the center of it. Dating and relationships are about give and take. Nobody and I mean nobody should get their way all the time or even want to. Not only does it make for dullness in the partnership but you are also buying stock in the resentment portfolio. It may not come back to bite you tomorrow or the next day but the longer the selfishness continues the more likely the resentment will grow. And when it comes to the surface you will be in for a nasty shock.

This also includes being a power freak. You will decide what, when, where, why and how much in every facet of the relationship. You want to be king of the roost but are not willing to make her the your queen. She is not your servant; she is your partner so learn to trust her decision making process and be prepared to let her lead sometimes.

2. Huh?

That means you were not listening. This drives women up the wall. It says that a: you do not respect her opinion and b: she is not worth listening to. Communication is high on the list of priorities for many women and listening is a huge part of the equation. If you need to train yourself to listen than do it. Besides that she will also appreciate the effort on your part.

3. The Mama's Boy

A good relationship with your mom is to be cherished and respected. No woman should begrudge you that. However running to mama to solve some problems you maybe having in your relationship or worse still using her as a standard to routinely criticize your partner is a definite no-no. It shows a strong lack of independence. Keep in mind also that while women may have maternal instincts that does not imply they want to assume the role of matriarch in your relationship. Two consenting adults means just that.

There are of course many other things that women don't particularly like about us but it would probably take days to list them all (You can hear the ladies now saying think in terms of years). That's fine. No one is perfect so follow the three tips mentioned do the best you and watch it pay dividends.

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

Breaking up is always painful. Here are some suggestions to help you get through it.



Enlarge ImageBreak ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.



Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or counseling.


Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation.


Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.


Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure. Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.


Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.


Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t.


Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.


Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.


Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!


Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.

Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing

When there is crisis in a relationship, one person often promises, "I'm going to change." Here are some practical signs that your spouse or significant other is truly changing for the better. Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive.

So...there are promises to change and the two of you embark upon a new path. You watch carefully.

"Can I trust this change? Is it permanent? temporary? How long will it last? Is he/she REALLY changing?"

Good questions. Here are 16 ways to know if the change is going to last:

1. You notice opposite behaviors and nonverbal communication. Passivity becomes activity. Recklessness transforms into thoughtfulness. Aloofness turns into engagement.

2. You find yourself surprised. "Hmmmm, this hasn't happened before, but is really nice! I wonder where this came from? But, I will take it!"

3. He/she expresses more curiosity about you, about him/her self and others. He/she observes more closely what happens in relationships, without criticism or defensiveness.

4. You feel that somehow there has been a shifting of gears. There is a different rhythm or flow in the relationship. Much less effort. Much less tension.

5. You find yourself noticing how differently he/she talks. The words seem different. The emotional tone of the words seem different.

6. The negative times, where you felt very stuck, helpless and hopeless, are less intense, happen less often and you seem to have more effective ways to move out of those times more quickly.

7. Your gut (intuition) tells you that this is ok. You begin to trust that part of you more implicitly. A part of you is clapping and cheering inside!

8. He/she seems to have more direction and purpose. Less drifting. He/she seems to be driven more by internal desires and wishes rather than reacting to people or external circumstances. He/she takes up interesting hobbies or finds more enthusiasm for career.

9. The changes seem to be more consistent and carry over for a longer period of time. More stability. Fewer swings. You seem more consistently on the right path.

10. More concern is expressed for family, children and close friends.

11. Words such as: "I promise. I'll try. Or, I'm going to..." are NOT in his/her vocabulary.

12. Moments of effusive crying, tear letting and chest beating are gone. Apologies are past and there is a sense of working right here right now to create what we want down the line.

13. You hear no blaming of others. He/she does NOT make others responsible for his/her actions. You sense that he/she is intent upon responsibly creating his/her world.

14. There is good eye contact.

15. He/she is taking great steps toward self care both physically, emotionally and spiritually. He/she can state what he/she needs and negotiate with you to get those needs met. At the same time, your personal needs are considered.

16. You worry much less about what will happen next.

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

Every relationship has highs and lows. Here are 10 tips to keep your relationship strong.


The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.

Here are the 10 most important things:


Communicate. Communication is important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.


Resist making accusations. Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a symptom.


Refrain from insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.


Take time to tell your partner why you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.


Be supportive and look for ways to give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.


Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you need.


Never try to solve a problem when you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at each other?


Set aside some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.


Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your partner.


Don’t Lie! Everyone lies occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong then being caught in a lie.


This won’t keep you together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break.Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they change?

Parental counseling

After a divorce, it is common to see that parents who are usually overwhelmed with their separation forget about their children wellbeing. Unfortunately there are some basic rights of kids that are not preserved during a marital separation. Some of them are:

The right to live in a safe environment.
The right to never be forced to choose between the parents and to be allowed to love both parents and be loved by both of them.
The right to be kept outside of the separation of the parents.
The right to keep the child/sibling role that naturally represents them.
The right to see grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins of both sides of the family after the separation.

These statements express circumstances that become easily vulnerable when parents go through a process of separation.

When a marriage is consolidated, it grows around the capability of two people to co-create life. So being this capability essential in the origin of a marital couple, it is logic to affirm that in case the couple bond breaks in the future, the parental tie that once attached the two people should always last.

Of course, after a separation, the family link that should persist taking care of the kids will not remain exactly the same. However, the changes in the family could be experienced by the relatives as part of the family evolution. In order to experience a marital separation in this constructive way it is needed that both sides of the breaking couple respect each other and be conscious of their mutual responsibility for all they lived and decided together.

When the two separated partners honour the life experience that involved creating a family –beyond their later marital disagreements–, they not only help themselves by preventing the lose of life sense, but also they protect their children wellbeing.

Relationship Advice for Men - 10 Ways to Seduce A Woman

Tips for men looking for ways to succeed with women


Enlarge ImageI have written this article by request but want to begin by saying that I in no way encourage men to treat women like objects. Men, this is a guide to help you win over a woman that you have a genuine interest in. If you are just looking for a one night stand then this article probably won't help you much. Lesson one, satisfaction comes with a sincere relationship and learning each others likes and dislikes. That being said, I hope you find something useful here that will help you give the woman of your dreams a reason to look your way.


Be sincere. Compliment her on something you truly admire. Hollow compliments can often be sensed. A compliment that she knows you mean will have much more impact. This doesn't mean you can throw out a compliment and then get naked, but it is a good first step. The compliment should NOT be 'you have great knockers.' Go for the eyes, hair, intelligence, sense of humor, something along those lines. On the other hand, too many compliments can come off sounding insincere. One or two sincere compliments are best.


Listen to her. She will give you clues about what she likes. At some later time, you can show that you remember what she has said and it makes a difference to you. This will earn you big points.


Be real. Don't exaggerate to make yourself sound better. Don't tell her lies just because you think it will help. These things have a way of turning around and biting you.


Don't offer advice unless asked. It could come off sounding like you are telling her what to do. Just listen and be supportive.


Do not talk about sex unless she brings it up. This one is pretty self explanatory.


Don't act desperate. Just let things flow naturally. Desperation is an unappealing quality in either sex. Playing a little hard to get can actually be appealing.


Avoid talking about yourself too much. Let her talk and if she wants to know, she will ask. An ongoing conversation about how big your muscles are or how fast your car is will not score many points. Bragging about how well endowed you are is a big no-no too. On the other hand, silence doesn't work either. Look around and find something to talk about. Preferably about her.


Avoid letting your eyes wonder to other women when you are with her. Talking about other women or your ex are both no-no's too. If you are out with her, let her know you like being with her by respecting her feelings and keeping your eyes and mind on her.


Treat her with respect. Don't call her chick, broad, dude or any other name unless you have been together for a while and you come up with pet names for each other. Respect is crucial and a good woman will not be interested in sex with you until she knows you respect her. If a one night stand is what you have in mind, then don't lead her into believing you want a relationship with her. Playing with her feelings is cruel and something no one should do to anyone.


Don't make her feel like because you have spent money on her, she should sleep with you. Making her feel this way will generally have the opposite affect. All you have bought is her time and the opportunity to prove to her that you are worth a second look. The rest is up to you.

Relationship Advice: Use these 3 Simple Tips to Screw Up Your Relationship

Tired of that great healthy relationship you are enjoying? Looking to screw it up royally? Then by all means try these tips


By all accounts the divorce rate in America has been on the decline. According to USA Today, it is now at its lowest level since 1970. Certainly this is a cause for celebration but it does not negate the fact that The United States still leads the rest of the world in that department or that one out of every two marriages will end in divorce.

There are a myriad of reasons as to why many relationships end badly. Sometimes in spite of the best efforts of both parties it still does not work. But more often than not many a couple has made a concerted effort (consciously or unconsciously) to sabotage their relationship. While there are a number of ways to throw a monkey wrench into the proceedings, the following must be at the top of any list when it comes to breaking up.

1. Communication Barrier

This is one of the main reasons relationship coaches remain in business. Many couples don't talk. If they do talk at it all it's usually past each other or turns it an argument. Lack of communication also is to a certain degree a lack of trust. You don't believe you can share more of yourself. Whether it's fear of rejection or just not believing they will be understood, the lack of trust can easily turn into not sharing anything at all.

The added side affect is that it has a tendency to put the other person on the defensive. They believe now they have done something wrong and since you are not giving them any indication one way or the other, the tension grows.

2. Money

We've seen many shows where a couple arguing over money has been played for laughs but in the real world it's no joke. A survey by Redbook and Smart Money magazines shows over seventy percent of people in a relationship talk to their partners at least once a week about money. It is so easy with soaring prices across the economic board for a discussion about basic household finances to get heated. Taking care of the family and home should be a gimme but even in that situation two people are bound to have a different perspective.

This is true even if you don't have money troubles. One partner might not feel it's a big deal since they have money to burn. That can cause some resentment particularly if one of you has been the primary breadwinner. No one can (or should) get their way all the time in any healthy relationship but there has to be boundaries. By all means make sure you and your partner do not work out a clear understanding or honor any financial decision you may reach.

3. Player, Player

This should go without saying. So why doesn't it? In a recent study conducted by Infidelity Facts, 57% of men and 53% women surveyed admit to cheating on their partner regardless of whether it is dating or marriage. Excuses can range from they are stuck in a loveless relationship and the new person makes them feel alive again to the thrill of sneaking around and doing something a bit reckless.

Whatever the excuse, introducing a third person into the picture means in essence the current relationship is over. "I love my spouse but…" is not going to cut it. Any chance to work out whatever problems you may be experiencing in your relationship will disappear once you get entangled with another person.

There is no quick fix or magic cure when it comes to relationships. It's hard work day by day, hour by hour. Even couples that have been together awhile and think they have the problems solved are shocked when life turns their relationship upside down. However if you want your relationship to end badly feel free to use any or all of the techniques above. They are guaranteed to do the trick.

Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - A is for...

An alphabetical guideline for building satisfying relationships, commitment, friendship, and love. We discuss interactions with those significant others in your life including that special person, whether or not you are already together. While we focus on the positive, we don't ignore the mistakes that are so easy to make but hard to repair. This article introduces the series and focuses on attitude, affection, and acknowledgment.



We all want to succeed in our interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Why is it sometimes so difficult? Isn't there a secret that will help you succeed, a checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to help achieve the relationships that you want, that you need?

We can't offer you a magic list, but we truly believe that our suggestions will help you succeed where you may have failed in the past. Please remember that despite any appearances to the contrary, other people are looking for the same relationship success that you are. To some extent our suggestions are common sense. You may say to yourself, why didn't I think of that. You may also say to yourself that's what I tried in the past and it didn't work. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Just like you can't lose in one week the excessive weight that you gained over the decades by poor eating habits, you can't repair your relationship deficiencies overnight. But you can see progress immediately. This should give you the strength to move forward.

We have so many suggestions that we are going to provide them in virtually alphabetical order. Let's start with A.

A is for attitude. Attitude is one of the most important aspects of relationship building, whether dealing with coworkers... you know the list. If you go around thumping your chest like Tarzan or a gorilla, screaming for all to hear "I am the greatest" don't be surprised that people aren't standing in line to be with you. Frankly, if you were the greatest, don't you think that people would know without your having to tell them? Wouldn't your greatness somehow seep through the fog of interpersonal relationships? Yes, my friend, attitude is a big one. If you have a chip on your shoulder than don't be surprised that people somehow manage to avoid your presence.

So what should my attitude be? Should I be self-effacing? I think not. Why not let people know that you are glad to spend time with them? Let them feel the affection that you have for them. This leads us to another A term, affection.

A is for affection. I'm not talking about the hots. Or even the lukewarms. Let people know that you want to be with them. Let people know that their friendship or love (please don't confuse these all-important qualities) is important to you and well worth working for. We can all do with more friendliness in our life. Somehow a big smile can help grease the wheels of interpersonal relationships. Remember, your vis-à-vis is also looking for relationship success. She or he wants to be acknowledged. And that's our third and final term for this article.

A is for acknowledgment. Everybody needs it. When you have done something special you want people to know about it. Well guess what. This phenomenon works in both directions. As for most of our points, acknowledgment is also a couple's question. Don't be stingy about letting your partner know that he or she has done a fine job. Nobody wants to be taken for granted. People don't want their significant other to be absent for them... And this brings us to another series; namely pitfalls to avoid in building relationships, commitments, and love.

procrastination

Have you ever experienced the state of
procrastination? All of us have one time or another!
Procrastination is the number one killer of success.

It is the single most common state that keeps people
from taking action Knowing that there is an important
task at hand, you keep putting it off.

Have you ever had to start work on a project but kept
doing everything else that would delay you in getting
started? You cleaned your desk, got a drink of water,
checked your emails,walked around and finally said, ''I
think I will do it tomorrow!''

Has there been another time when you felt totally
motivated in getting started on a project? A time when
you just sat down and got it done immediately?

I believe we are aware that this situation rarely
happens, never happening in times when we need to get
something done.

We Create our States of Motivation and Procrastination

We have to understand that we create entirely
different states using our physiology and internal
re-presentation. When we understand this, we will be
able to change, interrupt and change states whenever
we need to.

When you were procrastinating, you were using your
physiology in a particular way. Your breathing was
probably slow and shallow. Your muscles were droopy,
your eyes were looking down and your facial muscles
were probably flaccid.

What about your internal re-presentation? You were
probably seeing pictures of yourself having a tough
time, being overwhelmed and getting frustrated. You
were probably saying to yourself in the most weary and
bored tone of life, "Must I do this now? Can I do it
later?"

How do we create Motivation?

A question we have to ask ourselves, when we are in a
motivated state, taking action and accomplishing our
tasks, how did we create that?

Our physiology was probably different. We were sitting
differently, breathing differently and moving
differently. We were probably re-presenting the task
very differently in our mind.

We were seeing ourselves getting results, having fun
and doing things effortlessly. We were probably
saying, "do it now!" "Let''s get it done!" in a more
excited, higher pitched tone of voice.

Remember, our states are hardly managed consciously.
We do not consciously shift our physiology nor do we
control our internal re-presentations with the
intention of controlling our states.

Instead, our minds are allowed to run on autopilot
causing us to lose control of our own states, ensuing
in mediocre results that we are not to pleased about.

Now that we are aware that states of motivation and
procrastination are entirely created by us, the
responsibility is on us to learn and take charge of
our physiology and internal representation,
propelling us to attain the greater results we desire.

To Your Success,


DO ALL THE GOOD YOU CAN, IN ALL THE WAYS YOU CAN , TO ALL THE PEOPLE
YOU CAN, AS LONG AS EVER YOU CAN ....COZ YOUR GOOD WORKS WILL SPEAK FOR
YOU IN THE DAY OF TROUBLE.

The Art Of Change

Reframing - The Art Of Changing Meaning

The process of turning a negative experience into a
positive one is
called reframing.

The two ways in which you can do this is Content
Reframing and
Context Reframing.

Content Reframing

Content Reframing is the process of changing a
negative experience
into a positive one by changing the meaning of the
experience.
Remember, every event has multiple meanings. The
meaning we choose
to focus on is what becomes real for us.

The best way to do a content reframe is to ask the
question, ''What
else can this mean?'' ''How can this benefit or empower
me instead of
depressing me?''

For example, if the recession hit when you were about
to start your
business, you could content reframe it by saying,
''Good! This means
that business costs, like rental and salaries, will be
lower and
allow us to break even faster''.

Or you could say, ''Good! This means prospective
clients will be
more open to listening to suppliers who offer better
value for
money.'' There are multiple reasons why starting a
business in a
recession will be a positive experience!

What if someone told you, ''My son does not stop
talking'' You could
reframe this negative comment by saying ''Good that
means he must be
full of ideas'', or , ''This means he must be very
intelligent.''

If the person you love leaves you for someone else,
reframe the
loss by saying, ''Good. This means that I can find
someone who truly
loves me'' or ''this means I can find someone who is
more caring,
beautiful and loyal.''

Context Reframing
Another way to reframe an experience is to do a
context reframe. A context reframe is the process of changing a negative
experience into a positive one by changing the context from which it is perceived.
Have you ever had a negative experience only to look
back at it five years later and say, ''That was a blessing in
disguise?'' In a different context (i.e. the future), the meaning of
that experience changed from bad to good.

In doing a context reframe, you must ask the question,
''in a different time or place, how would the meaning be beneficial?''
You see, everything that seems bad now, when put into a different time or place, could appear beneficial.
Going back to the first example of starting a business
in a recession, you could use a context reframe by saying,
''When the economy picks up, the company will be positioned to do
very well as it has been tested & strengthened by the recession''.
You could do a context reframe on the boy who talks
all the time by saying, ''When he grows up, he will make a good public
speaker'' (context of time). Or you could also say, ''The fact that he talks
all the time will certainly earn him a place on the school debating
team (context of place). Are you getting the hang of it?
How we represent or (frame) our experiences determine
our response
and the outcomes we achieve. Therefore we must learn
to constantly
frame experiences in ways that empower ourselves and
the people around us.
When we change the way we represent (frame) something,
we totally
change the meaning and the emotions associated with
that
experience. As a result, we change the decisions we
make and the
actions we take.

You must learn how to create resourceful meanings out
of every
experience. Successful leaders and entrepreneurs do
this to empower
themselves and others to reach their goals.

Morals in Life

Are you aware of the headlines in the newspapers. Do you find it fascinating because of the gossip and the excitement. Famous teenagers drug addicts , some of them so thin ,but no one see that there is something wrong with that picture, no one see the cry for help behind the money or the nasty attitudes , they just see people that is looking for publicity. Marriages in Hollywood nothing , you can marry today divorce in minutes, it was for fun or it was a sudden moment of madness.

No one realize that our morals are flushed down the toilets , because famous people are doing it, it must be the in thing besides I am a nobody so who am I to pass judgement. That is the biggest mistake that we make in life. Marriages used to be sacred between a wife and her husband who made a commitment infront of God and to one another. Now however there is nothing wrong , with keeping someone on the side and stay married.What is happening to all the things that was sacred to us. When you get pregnant it is easy for some people , either addoption or abortion , why would we kill another human being , that is helpless who had no choice in the matter when conceived, there are so many women who would give anything to have a baby like that, hold them love them.

Women used to be treated with respect now, they are being treated as tramps .Why we ask? . Where do men get ideas like that, oh yes it is in the magazines, the breast of women hanging out, it almost touches the floor. The clothing only enough material to cover the most important areas , and let''s not forget the newest trend , no more wearing panties at all. That is part of the problem ,because now women are labeled easy and they can get rape ,worser even babies , in South-Africa. Why don''t we as women speak out and say enough is enough, we are not all the same.


Let''s not forget the silent cries of those who told that when they are abused molested, by friends ,family members even parents ,what is happening the world is becoming one sick place to live in.Why are we so busy that we can not notice things like that do something about it. But no it is not our problem, we have our own so let''s look the other way, they can solve the problems.

Television, sex...sex...sex need I say more , where are the shows with morals, who helped the normal guy like me on the street, make me believe that anything is possible. The shows that made you laugh , when you need it , give you inspiration ,where characters face the problems that you have, but find a way of solving it, and you think hey that was me. Now instead people are portrayed as oversex animals , with bush manners, give each other the eye and have sex, hey they teach us to forget about illnesses such as Aids or any diseases that can be transmitted trough sex.

Morals are we so blinded by everything that glitters and includes a lot of money, that even a monkey look beautiful when we know , that it is ugly as hell. Some of us still care , but the majority does not, do you see a future because I don''t . I can only see a future where everything is wrong becames right and you know what, when you do not agree you will be the odd one out, and be stoned for it.

INTELLIGENCE AND WISDOM ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

INTELLIGENCE IS A WONDERFUL QUALITY TO HAVE. HOWEVER, IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN INTELLIGENCE & WISDOM, I’D SAY THAT WISDOM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN INTELLIGENCE IN OUR LIFE JOURNEY OF CREATING JOY AND ABUNDANCE. THERE ARE MANY HIGHLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE WHO FAIL TO USE THEIR INTELLIGENCE TO THEIR BEST ADVANTAGE. DO YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE ALSO MANY EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE WHO LIVE VERY UNHAPPY LIVES???

WISDOM IS A QUALITY THAT YOU CANNOT ACCURATELY MEASURE. IT’S INVISIBLE. IT INCLUDES MANY ASPECTS OF LIFE SUCH AS PERSPECTIVE, SPONTANEITY, CREATIVITY, AND SOCIAL SKILLS. WISDOM IS YOUR SENSE OF KNOWING, AN INTUITIVE FEELING. WISDOM IS SEEING SOMETHING IN A NONHABITUAL MANNER. IT’S SEEING AN OLD PROBLEM IN A TOTALLY NEW, FRESH WAY. WISDOM HELPS US DISCOVER AND TRUST OURSELVES MORE. IT ALSO HELPS US TO FREE OURSELVES FROM OUR FIXED AND HABITUAL PATTERNS OF THINKING AND PROBLEM SOLVING.
IN A NUTSHELL, WISDOM IS THE ABILITY TO SEE AN ANSWER WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK OF AN ANSWER. WISDOM DOES EXIST OUTSIDE OF OUR THINKING MIND. WISDOM HELPS US SEE THINGS MORE CKEARLY THAN OUR THINKING MIND AND UNLIKE THE THINKING MIND, WISDOM CONTAINS NO WORRY.

HERE’S A STORY THAT DEMONSTRATES WISDOM. IT IS ABOUT A GIANT TRUCK THAT GETS STUCK UNDER AN OVERPASS. THE TRUCK WAS TOO TALL AND TOO BIG FOR THE AVAILABLE CLEARANCE. THE POLICE THEN CALLED OUT THE BEST, THE BRIGHTEST AND THE MOST EXPENSIE ENGINEERS IN THE CITY TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO SHOULD BE DONE. THEY DISCUSS THE ISSUE AMONG THEMSELVES. THEY RACKED THEIR BRAINS FOR HOURS. BUT STILL THEY SIMPLY COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO REMOVE THAT GIANT TRUCK WITHOUT DAMAGING THE FREEWAY ABOVE. IT ALL SEEMED SO COMPLICATED. THEN A SMALL BOY, ABOUT SEVEN YEARS OLD, WALKED UP TO THE POLICEMEN AND TUGGED ON ONE OF THEIR PANTS LEGS. EXCUSE ME SIR, THE LITTLE BOY SAID IN A RESPECTFUL TONE. WHY DON’T YOU JUST LET THE AIR OF THE TIRES??? OUT OF THE MOUTH OF A 7 YEARS OLD BOY, THE PROBLEM WAS SOLVED.

THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE THE MOST MONEY, OR WHO HAVE BEEN THE MOST SUCCESSFUL IN THEIR CAREERS, ARE ESSENTIALLY NOT ALWAYS THE MOST INTELLIGENT OR THE MOST HIGHLY EDUCATED. THERE ARE PLENTY OF HARVARD GRADUATES WHO HAVE A VERY DIFFICULT TIME MAKING SIGNIFICANT MONEY, DESPITE THEIR INCREDIBLE EDUCATION. USUALLY THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE MOST MONEY AND WHO HAVE THE MOST FUN MAKING ALL THE MONEY ARE HIGHLY CREATIVE, HIGHLY MOTIVATED, HAVE GREAT INTUITION, SOLID GUT REACTIOINS AND INSTINCT AND THE ABILITY TO SPOT OPPORTUNITIES. ALL THESE QUALITIES STEM NOT SO MUCH FROM INTELLIGENCE BUT FROM WISDOM. THIS IS NOT AN ARGUMENT AGAINST FORMAL EDUCTION, OR AGAINST STANDARD INTELLIGENCE. YET IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW THAT WE DON’T NEED TO USE ANY LACK OF FORMAL EDUCATION AS SMMUNITION AGAINST OURSELVES. EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT AND HELPFUL. BUT NEVER LET ANYONE CONVINCE YOU THAT IF YOU AREN’T FORMALLY EDUCATED, THAT YOU ARE DOOMED TO BE A FAILURE – BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT.

ONE OF THE BEST WAY TO ACCESS OUR OWN WISDOM IS TO SIMPLY BELIEVE THAT IS DOES EXIST AND TO TOTALLY TRUST IN IT. ALWAYS KEEP A CLEAR KNOWING THAT A DEEPER, MORE INTELLIGENT TYPE OF THINKING – OUR WISDOM – IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE.

5 secrets for success

The five major philosophies that I've been following throughout my life are as follows.These theories according to me are a must to be successful (THE MOST SUCCESSFUL) in life. Of course these are not the lines that I've quoted, I'm not that big of a philosopher yet. They're from different places said by some unknown but valuable gems as philosophers.
Well, they're...................
(1) IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START AGAIN

(2) WELL BEGUN IS HALF DONE

(3) EVEN A 1000 MILE'S RACE BEGINS WITH A SINGLE STEP

(4) RACES ARE WON IN THE LAST FEW STEPS

(5) IF YOU "BELIEVE" IT "THEN", YOU CAN DO IT


These are the most inspiring and the most motivating lines I've ever known.And, I've always been very sure for one thing...."Whatever you can think of---YOU can DO that", and this "whatever" includes anything one can think of.
Suppose you have a 100% confidence that you can do whatever you taken up to or thought of, then definitely you can achieve whatever you've aimed for. Being very specific here I want to say that if howsoever you have even a trace of the "NOT GONNA WORK" type of thought anywhwre in your mind then my dear!!! You've lost it like a common man does.
But......if you happen to manage not to think of the negative part SOMEHOW, then, no one, not even GOD will dare to stop you STEP forward the step you've started to take. As an instance, if I can think that I'll pass in a subject in an exam.....and that thought is 100% strong, then, there's 0% chance for me to fail.
This is because whatever a human being is not being able to think of, CANNOT BE DONE.

This means that if a person somehow manages to think that a TIME MACHINE is possible, and if he thinks of it as 100% possible and nowhere in his mind comes (not even .001%) that "it maynot be....", then definitely this means............................

"THE TIME MACHINE IS COMING SOON"

Note: And that 100% confidence in anyone is exactly the perfect and should not be misunderstood as OVERCONFIDENCE

An Expression to Love

We are moving around different spheres related to our capabilities.But have we ever imagined the definition of love?what is love?Why people do love actually?What they do when they are in love?I got some answers experineces through my life.I got hurt when poor peoples are in trouble from childhood.It means i have feelings for them & that is love.But the most difficult love is for opposite sex.If you are true to your love then you must endure pain.Love to opposite sex is nothing but a strong feelings that can't be controlled & full of huge emotions.We need a extremely private one who can share our feelings and who can take care us and so we make love.When we are in love we share feelings,do sex with emotions,we take care each other.Now the thing I wanna tell that I have a one too whom I love tremendously,whom I care extremely.But what I get from her?I get nothing if i don't give anything.If I give 90% she give 10%.If i give 0% she also giv 0% but still she loves me?I am confused.is this possilble?can any one love other without showing 1st response from her end?I am searching & searching but finding no answers?What is the base of a relation,is this time or behavior,if both then which one is storng?I have experienced it too but still finding no answer.I am getting everything from my lover,her body,her time,her every thing but always I have to knock for those,is that love?Have I got her mind actually?What should one do when he feels that he always take 10 steps for his love and on the contrary if he feels that his lover does not feel it or disagree to take 1st step always or his lover always compromises not loves actually?

The total summary is love is not so simple as we think. It is nothing but a complex one. If you feel natural love and be honest then you must endure pain.This is what I experienced and still experiencing.

What is Yoga?

Yoga is an age old discipline which has become very relevant in the modern world. Before we dump it as old fashioned or claim it to be of the spiritual world, fit for only rishis and maharshis, we have to ask ourselves the question What is yoga?
Yoga is not simple physical exercise and one does not have to sweat it out like jogging or push ups. We are going away from this world of rush and hurry when we are on the path of yoga. Yoga brings us back the peace that we have lost in the rat race. It gives us the mental peace that no other practice can give.
We are going after healthy foods, relaxation centres and religious prayers in the hope that they will give us a little peace. Yoga works both externally as well as internally. The exercises of Yoga, when done slowly and gently makes one aware of the 'prana' that flows through us. It is our life-giver, the breath that sustains us.
By controlling this vital breath man can control his mind,his emotions and be free from any worry that beset him. Once we have enjoyed the real fruits of yoga, then nothing in the world can stop us from embracing it forever. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoga

Meaning of success

First of all i would say success has different meaning for different people. Every human person has his own definition of success. For some person success means acquiring all the physical luxury of life. For some success means leaving all the physical luxury for the spiritual gain. For some, success means reaching the top post of a multinational & for some it may be helping the most competent man to reach the top post of the same organization. For some success means, living life never compromising on the values & beliefs which they believe in & for some it means breaking all the values & belief for getting whatever they want. List goes on. As far as I am concerned success is not about winning or loosing. It''s also not about getting anything or I would put it more appropriately acquiring anything because i know one hard fact of the law of nature, what is today will not be tomorrow. So for me dear friend success means a temporary phase of ecstasy which regularly comes in short intervals in small phases. Like when i write something & somebody likes it, it’s a success for me. I feel successful when i give some advice to my friend & they get benefit out of it. I feel successful when I find everybody around me accepting injustice for the fear of repercussion & I garner enough courage to resist it. I think success can never be a permanent phase, for everybody it comes in different forms in different times. I have seen lot of my friends cribbing about not very successful in life & I try to explain them DO NOT COUNT SUCCESS AS ONE BIG PERMANENT HAPPENING, COUNT YOUR MOMENTS WHEN YOU WERE HAPPY, WHEN YOU FEEL ELATED, WHEN YOUR HEART WAS FILLED WITH JOY, WHEN YOU FEEL VERY PROUD OF YOUR ACHIEVMENTS HOWEVER LITTLE THEY WERE.The moments of success would be in thousands & feeling of failure will be very few. So with these findings are we all not successful. I think we all are.

Science and Ethics

After the onset of the Modern Age, once modern science began to set in, it did not take long before humanity began to wonder about the ethical responsibilities of scientists towards their discoveries and their derived applications. Many researchers consider science as completely neutral; therefore, scientists cannot be responsible nor should they bear any liability for the technology they create and much less for its application.

On the other hand, some feel scientists are responsible not only as such but also as a segment of the society in which they carry out their work.
Modern science (techno-science) receives constant praise for the benefits it continually provides, whereas neither eventual failures nor harmful applications ever appear to derive from scientific work.

No human activity, not even science, is exempt from ethical responsibilities. Scientists therefore are accountable for each decision they make, more so if freedom exists to select from several options. They should be liable for both the beneficial as well as the harmful consequences.

The Brain Dump

This is a conflicting time of the year, one that always baffles me......I find it amazing the amount of people who wait for the New year to resolve to make changes within their lives. Then again many find it strange that I introspect as much as I do. In all honesty I wasn't always so devoted to my well being (elements of the mind and heart melded together). Some would call the time you would take to delve into your psyche a waste...... Years ago I used to dump whatever I was feeling, thinking, rationalizing as deep down inside as I could. I figured if you buried it deep enough, it would stay buried. Unfortunately our humanity doesn't allow us that luxury for long. I ended up having an overload of memories, pain, sorrow - flow into my daily life. Quite frankly there was no more room in the inn upstairs, or within me........My storehouse closed down....almost permanently. I remember doing the resolutions, promising myself the changes I would bring about, the dreams that would finally come true. Perhaps it could be said: I set my goals too high, I dreamed too big, I wasn't ready for life and didn't have a clue where to begin.....the list goes on for excuses and reasons of the pitying sort. The reality is our bodies are not meant to be dumps. We need to feel our pain, our joy, our failures as well as our successes in life. What I'm trying to say is welcome the New Year, but make your life a resolution; not just one day of the year when it seems appropriate. I find these days I clean the cobwebs from the recesses of my mind quite frequently and allow who I am to shine through. I tend to my hopes and dreams like a gardener, I weed the disillusions and distraught from time to time. Yet nourish and water my hopes and love giving it the enrichment it needs to grow. Most importantly I quiet the noise inside my head, so I can listen and truly hear what resides in my heart. So this year my friends , don't let your mind become a dumping ground for who you are. Open up the doors and allow that spirit that is you, see the world through crystal clear eyes and open wounds. We will always find pain and sorrow to be a part of our lives. It's our choice if those are the only things we ever feel. I hope you choose to allow all the love, peace, sincerity, compassion and good will that comes with it as well a room in your inn.......You can never feel too much, love too much, hurt too much, it's a given with your humanity. It's your choice how you live with it, in misery or acceptance.

Appearance and Reality

In daily life, people tend to make contradictions about what is real and what is apparent. For example, when I look, out the window, at the sun, in my little knowledge I will tend to distinguish between its real size and its apparent size. Also, looking at a table, one will tell its real color under standard conditions and its apparent color given some certain conditions. Then the question is how do we know what is ultimately real and what is merely apparent? We then find out that it is hard to believe what we simply see, feel, touch or hear.
According to Bertrand Russell, certain things on a closer scrutiny are filled with many contradictions. Therefore the quest for certainty has to start from present experiences. Now, doubt, and our personal experiences and that of others leads to one of the greatest problems of philosophy, the real and the unreal. The quest is to know what objects are, and what they seam to be. Russell stated that although different people see different colors when looking at the same table owing to their positions, we can not straight up say that those that see it in a different way are not right. In essence, when we tend to seek reality, we should not be objective about the whole idea. But then, some will conclude that the table has no specific color, and in the long run say that the table never really existed. The variations in the way people see colors, shapes textures and objects as the immediately become aware of is a sensation. Thus one’s view will be different from the other. Thus if the table really exists, it has a relationship between its physical structure and the sensation about it. Some philosophers attribute the existence of “physical objects” as ideas of the mind, not of one man or God but of a collection of souls in the universe.
Now the question of whether there exists a real table has been answered by some philosophers. Berkeley and Leibniz admit that there is a real table, but while Berkeley says it is ideas in the mind of God, Leibniz admit that it is a collection of ideas from different souls. Thus the differences in the way we perceive things depend on each single individual. Thus appearance is some sort of a sign to reality which lies behind the appearance.
In my opinion, I think that there is reality behind every thing that appears to be. Just for instance let’s consider when you stand waist-deep in a swimming pool. You will notice that you’re a legs appear shorter and fatter than they really are, and may seem to bend. But we know that our legs are straight and not as fat as they seem to appear in the pool. Thus, there must be something that influences such appearance, in this case the water in the pool. Without this water, what we see is our normal and real legs. We know the “real” leg, and also know the apparent one as it appears inside the water in the pool. Therefore we cannot know the reality of objects from their appearances owing to the fact that certain conditions make them appear that way. We can tell of things as they appear to be, but not as the really are. Just as the popular saying, don’t judge a book by its cover; we cannot say that real objects are exactly the way seem to be. Looks can be deceiving, because they are not entirely what they are. If we can look at something with our naked eye and see a different thing as we see with the microscope, it vividly shows that there is more to what the ordinary eye (and even the microscope) can see as to the way reality is.

Are You Really Angry Now?

Anger is one of the most common emotions shown by a human being.Losing temper can be because of a number of reasons.The exact definition of anger can not be provided in few words because it depends upon the environment either physcological or behavioural.If you are angry ,control yourself and think what are you going to do ?Sometimes anger could be our dangerous enemy.For instance, we have heard that anger took lives of many people.Its a momentary factor spreading through our neurons in the activation process of brain. So anger can be disastrous,it is already proved that losing temper is harmful to health.It damages the normal functioning of various nerves and decreases the quality of blood pressures.So,try your best not to lose your temper for minor reasons.

Take it easy ....always remember that.Without any specific reason many people easily loses temper..think once again it can be the symptoms of various mental problems or high blood pressure or even the periodic causes of some diseases.Its a common phenomena to be angry but if you are alert about the matter yourself ,plenty of complex problems can be solved without any difficulty.



Thus never loose your temper but if you do some early precautions are here to minimize or prevent your anger:


* Make a reverse count ,for instance,10 to 1 or 100 to 1 according the measure of anger and the reasons to be angry.

* Take a deep breathe 2 to 3 times and make yourself relief physically and mentally.

* Go in open air and stroll for a while.

* Who is the responsible of your anger,forget about it and try to figure out, how he or she helped you or did great things to you on past times.

* Think positive immediately about the factor that is responsible for your anger.

* Wash your face with cold water,splash water on your eyes.

* Drink cold drink or your favourite drinks.

* Make sure was there any fault of yours?Try to figure out the reason of your anger.

* Be cool and calm.

* Smile first ,then laugh..forget about the incident.

* Do not throw things or smash nearby stuffs during your anger period.

* Never harm others physically or call bad words,neither yell.

* Make a conclusion that you are normal and try to patch up the disputes.

* Vow ,you'll not be a angry person now in future.

* If still you couldn't make yourself cool,take a shower and make all of your anger flow away.

* Make yourself fresh and listen soft music,think about flowing springs,green forests and chirping birds.

* Play with kids,try to find out the meaning of their innocent ,beautiful smile.

* Take a sleep for few hours.

* Now also if you are feeling uneasy and your anger is raising its level,visit some psychiatrist soon.

Old Seven Wonders Of The World

OLD SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD


THE COLOSSUS OF RHODES:

The colossus was the shortest lived of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Completed in 282 B.C. after taking twelve years to build, the Colossus of Rhodes was felled by an earthquake that snapped the statue off at the knees a mere 56 years later. the towering figure made of stone and iron with an outer skin of bronze represented the Greek sun God Helios, the island''s patron god. It looked out from Mandraki Harbor on the Mediterranean island of Rodos, although it is no longer believed to have straddled, the harbor entrance as often shown in illustrations.
The Colossul stood about 110 feet (33m) tall, making it the tallest known statue of the ancient world. It was erected to celebrate the unification of the island''s three city states, which successfully resisted a long siege by the Antigonids of Macedonia.


THE LIGHT HOUSE OF ALEXANDRA:

The light house was the only ancient wonder that had a practical use, serving as a beacon for ships in the dangerous watyres of the Egyptian port city of Alexandria, now called EI Iskandariya. Constructed on the small island of Pharos between 285 and 247 B.C., the building was the world''s tallest for some time with a height of 384 feet (117m)
The light house was operated using fire at night and polished bronze mirrors that reflected the sun during the day. It is said that the light could be seen for more than 35 miles (50kms ) out to sea.
The huge structure towerred over the Mediterranean coast for more than 1500 years before bring seriously damaged by earthquakes in A.D. 1303 and 1323.



THE STATUE OF ZEUS:

The massive gold statue of the King of the Greek gods was built in honor of the original olympic games, which began in the ancient city of Olympia. The statue, completed by the classical sculptor Phidias around 432 B.C., sat on a jewel encrusted wooden throne inside a temple overlooking the city. The 40 foot (12m ) tall figure had a scepter in one hand and a small statue of the goddess of victory, NIKe, in the other-both made ivory and precious metals. The temple was closed when the olymoics were banned as a pagan practice in A.D. 391, after Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire.
The statue was eventually destroyed, although historians debate wether it perished with the temple or was moved to Constantinople ( Istanbul ) in Turkey and burned in a fire.



THE HANGING GARDENS IN BABYLON:


The hanging gardens are said to have stoos on the gates of the Euphrates river in modern day Iraq, although there is some doubt that wether they really existed. The Babylonian king Nebuchandnezzar II supposedly craeted the terraced gardens in 600 B.C. at his royal palace in the Mesopotamian desert. It is said that the gardens were made to please the King''s wife who missed the lush greenery of her homeland in the Medes, in what is now northern Iran. Archaelogists have yet to agree on the likely site of the hanging gardens but findings in the region that could be its remains include the foundations of a palace and a nearby vaulted building whith an irrigation well.
The most detailed description of the gardens come from Greek historians. There is no mention of them in ancient Babylonian records.



THE MAUSELEUM OF HALLCARNASSUS


The famous tomb at Halicarnassus now the city of Bodrum was built between 370 and 350 B.C. for King Mausolus of Caito, a region in the southwest of modern Turkey. Legend says that the King''s grieving wife Artemisia II had the tomb constructed as a memorial to their love. Mausolus was a satrap, or governor, in the Persian Empire, and his fabled tomb is the source of the word "mausoleum" The structure 120 feet (40m) long and 140feet (45m) tall. The tomb was most admired for its architectural beauty and splendor. the central burial chamber was decoratde in gold, while the exterior was adorned with ornate stone Friezes and sculptures created by four Greek artists. The mausoleum stood intact untill the early 15th century, when christian crusaders dismantled it for building material for a new castle. Some of the sculptures and frieze sections survived and can be seen today at the the British Museum in London, England.


THE TEMPLE OF ARTEMIS:


The great marble temple dedicated to the Greek goddess Artemis was compleated around 550 B.C. at Ephesus, near the modern day town of Selcuk in Turkey. In addition to its 120 columns, each standing 60 feet (20m) high, the temple was said to heve held many equisite art works, including bronze statues of the Amazons, a methical race of female warriors. A man named Herostratus reprtedly burned down the temple in 356 B.C. in an attempt to immortalize his name. After being restored the temple was destroyed by the Goths in A.D. 262 and again by the cgristians in A.D. 401 on the orders of St John Chrysostom, the archbishop of Constantinople (Istanbul). Today the temple''s foundation have been excavated and some of its columns re-erected.

Happiness and Your Health

It''s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and lose sight of what makes you happy. Really happy. But making sure your happiness meter is giving optimal readings can provide many important health benefits.





What makes people happy?
Jump ahead to the quiz. Happy people have younger hearts, younger arteries, and a younger RealAge. Happy people recover more quickly from surgery, cope better with pain, have lower blood pressure, and have longer life expectancy than unhappy people.

Studies also suggest that happy people may have stronger immune systems—they''re less likely to get colds and flu viruses. And when they do, their symptoms tend to be mild.

Not surprisingly, happy people are better at looking after their health, too. When people''s happiness levels improve, so do their health behaviors. They exercise more, wear sunscreen, and go for regular checkups.

How to get there
So everyone wants to be happy, and the benefits are clearly plentiful. But researchers have discovered that people aren''t always great at predicting what will make them happy. If it''s long-term happiness you''re after, you may need to learn a few new tricks. Take the time to read this Article on the latest happiness research and find out whether you''re doing all you can for a healthier, younger, happier you.

What is happiness?
We all know when we''re happy and when we''re not. But ask a roomful of people what makes them happy and you''re likely to get a wide range of responses, from "watching the sunset" or "spending time with good friends" to "finding a great shoe sale" or "winning the office football pool."

Defining happiness is no simple feat.

In an effort to help narrow the definition, researchers have devised a series of questionnaires to measure life satisfaction, positive mood, and subjective well-being. Some scientists are even beginning to use brain imaging to better understand the physiology of happiness. And economists have jumped on the happiness bandwagon, too, hoping to calculate the value of happiness within a sociopolitical context.

So what have they discovered? What makes for a happy life?

It''s only partly your genes
Although your level of happiness is not entirely predetermined by your genes, genes do play a part, just as they play a part in your general health. Some researchers estimate that as much as 40% to 50% of a person''s capacity for happiness may be genetically predetermined. And although that means some lucky people may start off with a greater propensity for happiness, it''s no guarantee they''ll lead a charmed life. Fortunately, evidence suggests that even the gloomiest of us can learn to be happier.

What are the Benefits of Debt Relief Educational Services?

If you want to reduce or clear your credit card debts, you may want to
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educational services on how you will be able to achieve a debt free
status. You will also learn the different strategies on how you can
empower yourself with the knowledge of becoming financially secure in
the future. Now
that you are equipped with the right education provided by an
educational service debt relief, you will learn how to become
financially independent and stay out of debt. You may find yourself
with a bad credit score. You may find many ways on how you can improve
your financial status. Here are some things that you will be able to
apply in case you encounter problems in settling your debts due to a
bad credit score or high interest rates on your credit cards.

Measures to Reduce Global Warming

Global warming is a serious natural threat all living species face today. However efforts are being made all over the globe to reduce its effects on all living creature. Some of them are listed below: We should encourage everyone to adopt them in our daily lives.



a. Solar aid



Use solar energy and conserve the environment.



A project has been introduced to promote solar power in remote communities, reducing their dependency on wood and charcoal and giving them an income.



Under this project people will test a new solar powered water pump that will allow families to access clean water for drinking, washing and irrigation.



Poor communities in Malawi use kerosene for lighting, which is highly toxic. This project will introduce clean, affordable solar lighting into rural homes.



This project will create jobs for the poorest people in Tanzania, and bring solar power to local communities and school children.



b. Save Coastal trees



Sempervirens Fund



They aim in preserving natural character of California’s Santa Cruz Mountains. Trees are grown to bloom and no destruction is encouraged. Donations form a part of the financial requirements.



c. Controlled Industrialization



Industrialization has helped develop the entire world but now the extent of this revolution is harming life and nature. Countries resorting to industrial growth should do so in a controlled manner.



d. Education



Children are computer savvy today. They enjoy games and sports that educate them about global warming issues along with entertaining them. Kids are fully aware of the harmful effects of this problem and are taught how to reduce them. The cartoons and animated characters, which the kids look up to guide them through the issue.



Moreover, the air pollution control efforts are further deteriorating the conditions of global warming. A universal effort is the immediate answer’ to this condition.

TOLERANCE

Tolerance could be define in many ways but the best way to define it depends majorly on how it happiers to individually,to me it means being understanding,caring and ability to ignore the mistakes of others,for example people clamour for good health,war against poverty and the develop nation still maginalize the developing country by extracting there natural resources and use it to develop their own country, thousand of people were being deported on a daily basis because they were illegal immigrant,yet the develop nations refuse to tollerate them into their system........well is better everybody learn how to tollerate each one another into our system because you the person you dont want to help today might turn to be your mother,brother or family

Travel to seven continents tag

~Begin Copy~



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Rules :
1. Start Copy from "Begin Copy" until "End Copy".
2. Put your blog's name and url write in which continent you live, add the country you live in. Example : My Imaginary Travels (Netherlands)
3. Leave your url post in here and I'll add you to the Master List.
4. Please help spread this tag by tagging your friends as much as you can.
5. Don't play unfair! If you have more than 1 blog, you can participate all your blogs for this tag. BUT you will have to post this tag to all your blogs as well. So, please. Don't cheat!
6. Please come back again to copy the update of the master list, often. This process will help new participants to get the same gains as the first participants.
7. Don't forget to use the banner at your post, you can save as or you can just copy the code in here.

Master List :
A. Asia : 1. Moms... Check Nyo (Philippines) 2. Aeirin's Collections (Philippines) 3. Jenny and Belle(Philippines) 4. Hailey's Beats and Bits (Philippines) 5. Appleofmyeyes(Saudi Arabia) 6. Deranged Insanity (Philippines) 7. PROJECT HEAVY TRAFFIC (Singapore) 8. Rooms of My Heart (Indonesia) 9. Blessings and Beyond (Philippines) 10. lancerlord (Singapore) 11. allinkorea (Korea) 12. kimchiland (Korea) 13. korean food (Korea) 14. idealpinkrose (Korea) 15. Pinay Mommy Online (Philippines) 16. Momhood Moments (Philippines) 17. Business Mars (Philippines) 18. Maiylah’s Snippets (Philippines) 19. Picture Clusters (Philippines) 20. My Wanderings (Philippines) 21. Hit-or-Miss (Philippines) 22. Life Quest (Philippines) 23. FunFierceFabulous (Phils) 24. and Life Goes On for... (Philippines) 25. Moments of Colours (Philippines) 26. Making sense… (somehow) (Philippines) 27. Day To Day (Philippines) 28. My Happy Place 29. Me and Mine (Japan) 30. Little Peanut (Japan) 31. Creative In Me (Japan) 32. Pea in a Pod (Japan) 33. A Slice of Life (Phils) 34. Jenny Said So (Phils) 35. Live it Up... (Philippines) 36. A Sweet Taste Of Life (Philippines) 37. Through The Rain (Philippines) 38. Sugarmagnolias (Japan) 39. ParentZine育兒好好玩 (Singapore) 40. We are Family (PH) 41. Reference Notes (Hong Kong) 42. The Sweet Life 43. A Great Pleasure (Malaysia) 44. LadyJava's Lounge (Malaysia) 45. LadyJava Life's Pages (Malaysia) 46. Being Woman (Malaysia), 47. Cat Tales (Malaysia) 48. Make Money Online (Malaysia) 49. LadyJava's Food Paradise (Malaysia) 50.Alanzain-home decor world (Malaysia)51.Let's talk-everything in one space (Malaysia)52. your turn

B. Australia : 1. Reflexes (Australia) 2. Emcee 3. Outback-Pinay 4. Collect and Connect (Australia) 5. your turn

C. Afrika : 1. your turn

D. North Amerika : 1. Simple Life, Simply Me (USA) 2. Pinaymama's Diary (USA) 3. 3 Garnets & 2 Sapphires (United States) 4.Traipsey Turvey (USA) 5. Dabawenyako (USA) 6. Icelog (USA) 6. The Misadventures of an Ordinary Housewife (USA) 7. It Is Nap Time (US) 8.A Mother's Journal (USA) 9. Journey And Journal [USA] 10. Life is good and beautiful (USA) 11. Tasteful Voyage (USA) 12. Jenny's Wandering Thoughts (USA) 13. Mom Knows Everything (Canada) 14. Filipino love stories (USA) 15. A Mom's Note (USA) 16. Life with the Two Crazy Dogs 17. BLOGSILOG (USA) 18. Juliana’s World ( New York, USA) 19. your turn

E. South Amerika : 1. your turn

F. Europe : 1. My Imaginary Travels (Netherlands) 2. Juliana's Site (Netherlands) 3. Picturing of Life (Netherlands) 4. SuperMae (Portugal) 5. The Callalily Space (The Netherlands) 6. Portia (UK) 7. Daily Grind (Germany) 8. Amel's Realm (Finland) 9. your turn

G. Antarctica : 1. your turn

~ End Copy ~

Are You Aware to Your Future?

Its very sad to know that many youth nowadays are not really focusing or not being aware to their future.They are just wasting their time with nothing- they don't studies or even though they studies somehow, they don't pay much attention with that. Some don't like to WORK also, instead they just do non-sense thing,they just consume most of their time staying in the house,watching television, play games in the internet and so on.. These are the daily routines they do in their lives. They don't even plan for their future.Because of these, what they give to their parents is always a headache.

Now for how long you will be like these? I hope you will not say FOREVER.. Here are some of the reasons why teens are not aware to their future..



***MY PARENTS HAVE A STABLE JOB. I DON'T NEED TO BE WORRY.



- Don't depend on your parents. Time will come that you will build and have your own family too.Especially if you're a guy, you will be the head of the family and you will be responsible for providing and giving the best and wonderful future to your own family someday.



*** EVERYDAY I EAT 3X A DAY..AND THAT'S IMPORTANT..



- Huh!That's the reasoning of a lazy person. Hey some on! Don't you have a dream? Are you really contented in that kind of daily routine in your life? Change your personality. Grow up!



*** I'M UNDERGRADUATE. I TRY APPLYING FOR A JOB MANY TIMES. NO JOBS FIT FOR ME..



- But life doesn't ends in there. You must try and try until you succeed.Don't give up. Always think positive. A positive person achieved positive in life. Always condition and set your mind. If you always set to your mind, ("I REALLY NEED TO HAVE JOB, I AM SURELY GET THIS JOB") then it will be yours. Try to be patient and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.



*** UNTIL NOW,I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I REALLY WANT IN MY LIFE OR DO IN MY LIFE...



- Normally, teens experienced this kind of situation.. They really don't know what exactly they really want in their life especially in their future..These are the things you must do..



^ TALK TO YOURSELF..

(WHAT IS MY MOTIVATION IN LIFE? WHAT WILL BE ME AFTER 5-10 YEARS?)



- I f you imagine, " I will be a successful doctor after 5-10 years.." Well,that's a good sign because you are about to start to discover what you dream to be.. Now the next thing that you will do is to do something to it. Focus on your study. Study hard. Always think of your dream to be, it will help you to get inspired and always think "YOU CAN" . a SUCCESSFUL PERSON are those who are positive thinker and don't ever ever QUIT..



So now start building your own future..As much as possible, build the best future that you can be.. Remember the only person that will help you to achieved the best future that you can have is YOURSELF.. A positive mind, determination, being hardworking will lead you to SUCCESS..