Not That Into You?

In the early stages of dating, it's common to dump and get dumped. You're both assessing whether or not this person is right for you, keeping your eyes open for red flags, and refining your own relationship goals.
It's polite not to waste the other person's time when you've decided something won't work out. It might be tempting just to stop taking their phone calls, but it's more mature to break up formally. Even just saying "I'm sorry, this just isn't working for me" will make the message clear.
On the other end, don't wait by the phone. Even if you like someone you've started to date, try not to start picking names for your future children until you've at least agreed to date exclusively. Don't blow off your friends or favorite activities for your new date, and remain open to the possibility that someone else may be the right one for you. When you're sure that you two are both strongly interested in one another, then it's time to reprioritize

Getting Dumped

It happens to pretty much everyone. You've fallen for someone, only to have him take that job offer in Shanghai, or have her dump you for the electrician.
Some experts advise getting right back out there on the dating scene after a breakup. It's not a good idea to hide in your room and watch cooking shows for months, but it's definitely worth taking some time to grieve your loss before you try again.
Psychologists identify five stages of grief, which might look like this:
Denial: "She's coming back."
Anger: "She didn't deserve me! She's rotten and I hate her!"
Bargaining: "Maybe if I propose, she'll come back."
Depression: "I'm worthless without her. No one else will ever love me."
Acceptance: "She's not coming back, and I'm surviving."
You don't have to go through the stages in order, and you may even skip some of them altogether, but knowing what they are can be helpful in recognizing your own emotions as part of a common process. Be especially careful of getting stuck in depression, which can actually provoke chemical imbalances in your brain. As you move toward acceptance, you can begin to think about what kind of life you want as a single person, and what kind of partner might be an enjoyable part of that life.

Relationship Advice and The Rebound

There's a familiar relationship pattern among people who move quickly into a new romance after the old one dies (or, sometimes, while it's still limping along). Sad and brokenhearted, such a person finds a kindly soul who's willing to offer a comforting shoulder, or bed. The kindly soul offers support and relationship advice, believing that this will lead to healing, renewal, and love. And lo and behold, it does -- but not with the kindly soul. Often, the person who once seemed a source of comfort now becomes just a reminder of old pain. A happy new life begins -- with a happy new partner, someone who wasn't around for any of the bad old stuff. If you're fresh from a breakup, you can recognize this pattern for what it is, and choose to get your comfort from people who don't want long-term love. If you're tempted to play the role of the kindly soul, take two steps back and give the rebounder time and space to heal before expressing your interest

Number One First Date Tip: Safety

The beginning stage of a relationship can be stressful. However, don’t let your anxiety about what to wear or say make you forget to plan for safety. When you are meeting someone for the first time, this needs to be a consideration. Even if you feel like you know this person because of Internet dating time together, taking some simple precautions is a good idea. Things such as driving separately, letting a friend know where you will be, and containing your first date activities to a public place are easy strategies you can employ.

Internet dating safety can be maintained with some simple planning. Once you’ve chatted online and spoken for quite some time on the phone, meeting in person is the next step. If you’ve determined you are ready to move to this level, exercise this first date advice:

· Drive separately to a public meeting place.

· Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be home. Follow-up by checking in with your friend at a predetermined time and/or when you return home.

· Never leave the public place, go home with the person or invite your date to your home.

· Immediately end the date if you feel pressured in any way.

· Do not get drunk or tipsy. Drinking impairs judgment leading to choices you may not normally make.

Break Up Advice

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people’s feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties.

Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.


Don’t be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone’s misery.

Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don’t fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.

Don’t lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later - usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true causes unnecessary pain.

Don’t blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you’ve fabricated.

Don’t delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

Parental counseling

After a divorce, it is common to see that parents who are usually overwhelmed with their separation forget about their children wellbeing. Unfortunately there are some basic rights of kids that are not preserved during a marital separation. Some of them are:

The right to live in a safe environment.
The right to never be forced to choose between the parents and to be allowed to love both parents and be loved by both of them.
The right to be kept outside of the separation of the parents.
The right to keep the child/sibling role that naturally represents them.
The right to see grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins of both sides of the family after the separation.

These statements express circumstances that become easily vulnerable when parents go through a process of separation.

When a marriage is consolidated, it grows around the capability of two people to co-create life. So being this capability essential in the origin of a marital couple, it is logic to affirm that in case the couple bond breaks in the future, the parental tie that once attached the two people should always last.

Of course, after a separation, the family link that should persist taking care of the kids will not remain exactly the same. However, the changes in the family could be experienced by the relatives as part of the family evolution. In order to experience a marital separation in this constructive way it is needed that both sides of the breaking couple respect each other and be conscious of their mutual responsibility for all they lived and decided together.

When the two separated partners honour the life experience that involved creating a family –beyond their later marital disagreements–, they not only help themselves by preventing the lose of life sense, but also they protect their children wellbeing.