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Friday, January 2, 2009

Long Distance Relationship Arrangements

OK, so you know that many long distance couples find this arrangement to be the best of both worlds. You can live life without constant attention to a partner’s needs, but have a person with whom you connect for romance and fun.

But what happens if something comes up in your normal life that is a real crisis? How does your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend fit into this situation? Do you not tell them about it? This may be the choice for some who don’t want to bring “real life” into the bubble of that long distance love.

Or do you call them for support? Do you reach out as most folks would, for the comforting voice of your intimate partner?

There is no correct answer here. But it can be a turning point in telling you both about where your relationship is and where it is going.

How each of you handle this situation will tell you a lot. How do they handle your crisis. Or, conversely, how do you feel about them bringing their crisis to you? If you share a crisis with them, are they supportive or avoidant? If they call you, are you empathic or resentful that they’re dumping this on you? A positive response can range from their staying more in touch than normal by calling or emailing regularly to get you through the crisis. Or it could involve their hopping on a plane to be with you. Or it could be anything in between. There’s no correct response in this situation. It’s all about what each of you needs, how well that need is conveyed, and how the response comes back. How it’s handled will tell you a lot about what’s possible for a real relationship down the road.

1 comment:

bailee said...

I think long distance relationships require regular communication and a willingness to continually create your relationship, using the only real tool you have... your words.


simple thing to do....just say it.
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